So in the early days of teenage development I’d potter in the garden, move the furniture around the bedroom, sort out and order my brother’s toys. I think back to my first house where I’d rearrange the living room furniture, extending wires for tv and the phone or changing the colours of the cushions, dylon or the charity shop curtains were cut up and sewn into new bright accessories for the house.
Now I recognise these strategies to stop the depression taking hold. I developed this need for change, for renewal. Today I’m digging up stones and slate, divider flags and it dawns that I like winter down the allotment. It fulfils the ability to renew, to change plants around, to plan new paths and beds, to sketch up plans and rub them out again. Gardening allows me to have a focus, to order, to plan in my head, to follow my instincts and visual ability, to see the potential in the plot. Saying all this I don’t have aplan for where my yellow rose will be going in my new garden area, but that will come…
My back complains today as I try to lift a flag, yoga wasn’t on this week and I feel like one of those tough plastic dolls bending at the hinged joints, like action man, with his inflexible limbs. Whereas Sindy was definately into her yoga practise. She was supple and flexible, had brown shiny hair, average boobs and a curved bum. Very average compared with the barbie doll that many of my friends had. Compared with action man she was better at parachuting down the stairs (hankie and hair ribbons) much more graceful and didnt just clunk to the floor.
Anyway I digress to the jealousies of my childhood and recognise how the media influenced my perception of Sindy. I recognised the irritation of jealousy before christmas. An ex friend was going to the geothermal spa that I’d googled a few months ago. It was massively expensive so on realising the price I put the idea behind me. I should have been pleased that someone could afford the luxury of the healing spa but instead I was jealous. Karma worked it way round quickly when on the last day before the holiday I was questioned by my manager about my activity on social media. A colleague had told her that I had been ‘slagging off’ the company and management. I am very careful with wording and knew even if the manager saw the post it would not be disciplinary however I was left with feelings of mistrust with my ‘friends’ on facebook. solidarity is important to me in a environment where exploitation of staff is often expected and kindness is played upon regularly. I have deleted all work colleagues from my account and only one noticed and asked why, she has since deleted work colleagues from hers. trust and solidarity are of value to her too.
pimpampo 